Catatonic

I stumbled onto a folder that has something I wrote in my very early twenties. I was going to post it here but now that I took the time to do it I can't seem to find it anywhere. It was called self-imprisonment. I couldn't believe that part of the way I feel now started that early in life. So, I guess it is time for me to try writing again and update it, so here goes nothing.




Catatonic
(Characterized by a marked lack of movement, activity, or expression)


Silence, silence, alone in the dark,
Pain, aggression, hopelessness have left quite a mark.
Self preservation, protection, impenetrable armor was the point of this quest I did embark.
No more, pleasure and smiles to others will my visible tears bring.
I'll stop them...Can't get me...I'll beat them...No torment to me will give them reason to sing.
Ashes, ashes...Walls of love and trust I will burn down.
No longer your puppet...Your toy...Your foolish little clown.
My brambles, they encircle me, they protect me.
I want no sights, no sounds...Don't want to get to know you...Don't want you to see me, just leave me be.
But, the memories, they still hurt...They haunt me..Can't stop them...Am I loosing my grip?
Repetition, I pause them...Rewind them...Replay them..It's a worn memory chip.
Wait, there's a sound now, I think it's a child crying.
I see her. Her hair; it's tangled, she’s dirty, she's bruised up, her clothes they are ripped up.
I try to touch her and hold her. So cold now..Getting limp now..I think she is dying.
A tear drop falls..She disappeared, where she go, I'm all alone now.
The brambles they encircle me...Their so high now...I hear something. Is that laughing? Through the gaps there's some light there.
Can't quite see through..I want to see them..What's that going on now?
I will climb up, want to see out.. But, the thorns how they cut me...Want to get out..But,how?